Why don’t we talk about hellfire and God’s wrath anymore? Why is everything some sugar coated bullshit for little children? Tolerance and understanding and empty words about nothing intense enough to catch my attention.

   I need religious experiences so I listen to heavy metal. Good death metal is more christian than anything I’ve experienced in the Finnish Lutheran church. It’s more intense, it gets over my threshold of interest. 

   Why should a ceremony in church be so utterly meaningless and boring? I want the priest to have feelings. It’s obvious how much pain there is in the world, shouldn’t we discuss it openly and thrive for better, not by being weak little sheep hiding from evil, but by facing things with strength?

   In Finnish church ceremonies I heard nothing because no one said anything worth listening to. Just tired old blabbering about our savior riding a donkey. I would think the church should be able to find some stern men with some fire in them but no, it’s all feminine and weak boys and tired old men with nothing to say, repeating the same things with their passionless dry voice, their eyes down in their manuscripts. It’s a joke, young lost kids are being covered in cow blood while singing together with a black metal band. These kids are alone and sad and want meaning but there’s no meaning to be found in the modern church.

   The church has failed itself and its mission. The church has failed the people it’s meant to serve. The priests should be studying and analyzing, learning about people and making connections between the holy texts and modern life. Forcing children to memorize how Jesus wrote his donkey into Jerusalem is nothing, just dry text without any meaning unless the meaning is explained and the questions are answered. I was taught to not make questions. Is it any wonder that I resent the system? The grown ups in the education system I dealt with as a child never impressed me, they had no intellectual capabilities and they leaned on their artificial and momentary authority every second they dealt with me.

   Only people addressing my feelings were musicians. Now, years later I see the greatness in the Bible and in the wisdom it contains, which is most likely tens of thousands of years old -tried and tested through the ages. This is now more interesting than music, and most of the metal music seems rather childish to me, but I still love to ventilate my feelings with songs containing real emotions, real anger and frustration.